Whenever I am in the presence of women and the conversation turns to crafts, I shrink, shrivel and withdraw into this withered ball of insecurity.  It’s ugly.  It’s intimidating.  And my friends all know this.

I AM NOT CRAFTY!

DIY, not me.  Shudder.  My motto, DDIY (Don’t do it yourself) !

The subject of making things comes up a lot: bridal showers, women’s retreats, home decorating, fundraising.  And just because I’m a teacher, does not mean I am good at cutting things out.

Apparently, according to those who have observed me, my visceral repulsion to crafting is acutely apparent to all within view.  Beads of sweat appear on my forehead, my body stiffens, my eyes bulge, rings of sweat appear below my armpits.  And if one is in very close range, mild profanities can be heard from under my breath.  My girlfriends love to watch me and amuse themselves with my reaction when we have to make things for various events!

Check out my Pinterest account, there are Pins aplenty, but none with any mention of the word craft!

Perhaps if I had spent less time climbing trees and more time painting my fingernails as a kid, I would be better at these girly kinds of things.

My daughters will never benefit from lovely photo albums assembled with cutout titles, pressed flowers or mementoes from childhood.  (They’ll have to rely on their dad for that!) Note to self; pray for grandsons.

My grandmother was an amazing seamstress and inspired me to indulge in homey activities.  So, I’ve tried quilting.  Failed.

I’ve tried jewelry making.  Oh dear lord!

Card making.  What a joke.

Sewing?  It would have been cheaper to buy the apron!

Check out that uneven hem!

2 Apron

I HATE GLITTER AND GLUE!

I know plenty of coaches and people who would scold and reprimand me for this self-deprecating judgment.  They would question my “assumption”.  And if it was an assumption, I would be right there agreeing with them.

However, it’s NOT an assumption.  It’s a fact.  I cannot come close to faking that I am crafty in any way shape or form!

I have other artistic gifts.  I’m a very good cook.  I like to get my hands dirty in rich, earthy soil growing tasty vegetables and lovely flowers.  I can spend hours roaming up and down the colorful rows of a nursery, but Michaels, or Ben Franklin, no way, those stores give me the creeps!

So, for the upcoming women’s retreat of which I will be participating; I will gladly decorate the tables for the meal I am assigned.  But, it will not be with homemade, notecards or cleverly arranged favors designed by me.  I will happily spend a boatload of money to let someone else be creative.

And letting someone else be creative, is indeed, “crafty!

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6 Responses to CRAFTY!

  1. Mary Kelly says:

    Thank you once again for making me laugh sister dear… LOVE IT!!!!

  2. That’s why there’s people like me in this world!!! Ask mea out crafty!!!bor better yet DESIGN!
    http://www.lisaloughmaninteriors.com

  3. Gary Oefinger says:

    You’re not that bad…. Well, kind of…never mind.

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